Road trip beauty complaints

I'm not amused that...

... my thumbnails are split and broken and too short, causing me pain when I try to accomplish simple tasks and rendering my thumbs useless. Turns out opposable thumbs are important.

... my face wash and serums are hidden in the caravan of vehicles.

... my blood caffeine content is dangerously below the legal minimum, and I'm concerned the lack of coffee-derived antioxidants will lead to free radicals destroying my skin. How would they do that? I don't know, my degree is in English and journalism, not dermatology.

... my legs are NOT Skintimate-smooth.

... I cannot be bothered to perform the public service of putting concealer on my dark circles, and I fear I may traumatize young children who see me at rest stops and might confuse me with a Disney villainess.

... I may still own a hairbrush, but I'm not positive, because I haven't seen it in a while.

... s'mores Pop Tarts are not flat-belly foods.

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